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Monday, 10 January 2011

Walk by Faith -- Not by sight.

Most of my life, I have either been in school or working or some combination of both. There has been very little idle time. In fact, I do not know how to relax. I do not know how to rest. I do not know how to stop for a moment and "smell the roses", so to speak. I only know one thing -- how to do and produce something that proves that I have done anything. That could be a degree, a paper for school, some project for work, something. It is the production of something that is tangible in which my worth was placed. I needed some result to my work in order to feel as if I had done anything. I needed something to show -- I couldn't just "be" - I had to "do".

Right now, my life is dramatically different. I am no longer in school, for now, because I graduate in December of 2009. I am no longer working because my husband and I had to move recently. It makes for a quiet day when the highlight of my life is being able to drive to the post office, but, nevertheless, it is a hard change to go from non-stop doing to forcing myself to focus on the being part of existence. It doesn't seem like there is anything to show for in my life anymore. It is hard to see into the future -- and when I bother to think about it, it is sometimes a little scary because of the uncertainty. Am I going to ever get a job? Will I actually ever finish my degree that I really want to do? Am I going to one day feel like I have "gotten there" in my life? What is going to happen tomorrow? Is my health ever going to really be "okay"? What is something happens for which I am completely unprepared? Is there anyway that I can deal with all the doubts, all the uncertainty? Is there any wisdom that can direct me to the right attitude to have about all this? Why haven't all my years of faithful service to God showing anything? Why can't I see the result of my faith -- the fruit of all my work? Will I ever?

In the midst of the prophets in the Old Testament, there is a small book -- one that is oft overlooked. Most of us would have a hard time winning a race if the goal was to be the first to find Habakkuk without the aid of the table of contents in our Bibles. Tucked neatly between Nahum and Zephaniah, this gem of a book is found. Within the book, we find the theme of how to deal with things in the midst of trouble. How to reconcile the fact that sometimes bad things DO happen to good people, while at the SAME time the evil ones seem to prosper. In this tiny book, here sits the wisdom of a prophet struggling with these same questions who finally in these closing verses comes to a magnificent conclusion.

"Though the fig tree does not blossom, and no fruit is on the vines; though the produce of the olive fails, and the fields yield no food; though the flock is cut off from the fold, and there is no herd in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will exult in the God of my salvation. God, the Lord, is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, and makes me tread upon the heights." Habakkuk 3:17-19

It is interesting to look at this mere 3 chapter long book in the Bible and not find a dialogue full of complaints, but it is a declaration full of encouragement that those who trust in their own power will ultimately meet their own defeat and demise. Yet, those that trust in God, those that live by faith will ultimately prosper in the end. Isn't that the whole story of our faith? Isn't this the same affirmation that the apostle Paul uses within his argument that we are justified by faith alone? Isn't this the very crux, the core of Christianity? -- Faith in God! It is refusing to place an emphasis on the visible and temporal things of now and taking it an placing it in the invisible and eternal things to come.

It is the attitude of Habakkuk that I need to better employ. It is the attitude that though there is no fruit on my vines and those my fig tree isn't blossoming the way I want it to -- like it has in the past -- I will still praise God. In all the uncertainty, in all the unknown, in all the times when the fruit of my faith isn't quite showing, I will still praise God. I will still exult his name above all names. He will get me through the times of trouble. After all, it is not the future that is in my own hands -- it is his His. And, it is not the future that I can see with my own eyes -- it is He that gazes upon it with great assurance that he has a plan for me even when I cannot see it. It is only by faith in God that I must walk.

"They that live by faith, walk by faith. But what is implied in this? They regulate all their judgments concerning good and evil, not with reference to visible and temporal things, but to things invisible and eternal. They think visible things to be of small value, because they pass away like a dream; but, on the contrary, they account invisible things to be of high value, because they will never pass away. Whatever is invisible is eternal; the things that are not seen, do not perish." -- John Wesley, Sermon 113, Paragraph 14

Father, Help me walk by faith when everything around me is crumbling -- when everything around me is uncertain -- when everything around me is clouded in mystery. Help me to look on the things that are eternal and invisible rather than the things that are visible and temporal. Help me to see the way you see the future and know for certain that you do have a plan for me. Help me to be better prepared for the seasons of winter when the fruit isn't showing up on the vines and the fig trees aren't blossoming. Help me to to better relax -- after all - being is as important as doing. All power and glory are yours forever. Amen!

Saturday, 01 January 2011

New Year's Resolutions?

Each year, I find myself puzzled when others begin to talk about their resolutions. It is December 30th that bothers me to death. It is about this time that I haven't thought of a thing about myself to make into some truly wonderfully defined resolution. I can come up with things I wish to do, but really -- they are no different than things I want to do EVERYDAY (and fail at doing sometimes). What makes this intriguing event likened to watching the mileage on a car turn over so special? Why is it that the new year makes us want to bring up this idea that we can start everything new? What it is that makes us want to make a new start? A year is closing and a new on is quickly approaching. In years past, I find myself sitting around this hour each year drumming up ways to better myself. I can finally lose those extra pounds. I can be more attentive to my lack of organizational skills. I did that once, and I honestly think my life became LESS organized. I have looked at my constant struggle with anger and constant over inflated tenderness that causes me some extreme pain sometimes -- and I am sure that it causes others the same. I have looked at my absolute hatred of being wrong because I am such a highly trained professional perfectionist. So much so that admitting my own wrongs is so difficult that it nearly impossible. I am forgiving of others, but I am not forgiving of myself. Many times I am so stuck on what I did wrong, my anger erupts from no where --- but at no one -- it is only at myself. I am so disgusted that yet again I have screwed up and cannot bring myself to be ashamed -- AGAIN. That only means I am really good at failing as well. No, none of that seems like it would even come close to do what is going through my mind.

What this all boils down to is the idea of a new beginning. Many of us search and long for a way to make a "new beginning" - our reasons may be obvious to some but very personal as well. Maybe our reasons are NEVER obvious. It doesn't matter, though. We all look for it -- when do we get a second chance? When can we START OVER?

Christ wanted to make all things new. Revelation 21:1-6, "Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth; for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and the sea was no more. And I saw the holy city, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, 'See, the home of God is among mortals. He will dwell with them as their God; they will be his peoples, and God himself will be with them; he will wipe every tear from their eyes. Death will be no more; mourning and crying and pain will be no more, the first things have passed away.' And the one who was seated on the throne said, 'See I am making all things new." Also he said, 'Write this for these words are trustworthy and true.' Then he said to me, 'It is done! I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. To the thirsty I will give water as a gift from the spring of the water of life."

Isn't it wonderful? This very concept of making things new. Is it not completely natural for our minds to fall into this thinking when the year is coming to a close and another one is fast upon us. But ... again ... that brings up these things about resolutions. What do we do to better ourselves? What do we need to change? How do we do it!? If I fail after a week, can I just quit? So, we are back again at the core of the problem. What do we do? Do we pick the superficial things that seem fun? Do we take the fully spiritually path and leave the "fun things" alone for a time? Is one right over the other? Do we simply week for "balance"? It is nearly impossible to sit and figure out resolutions because it takes a painful examination. We have to ask ourselves a very tough question -- where am I failing and how can I fix it? Ouch. So, each year, I struggle around this time to answer that question. Sometimes -- I completely ignore it and just pretend like I did it anyway and tell others my resolutions were "private". Really -- if I have ever told you that -- don't believe it. It really isn't true at all. That was just the year I got lazy.

I think this year I have found a better use of my time -- a resolution for my little yearly ritual. I simply wish to be used by God in whatever manner he may see fit. Put me to doing. Put me to suffering. Let me be employed by thee or laid aside for thee. I will allow Christ to prune me so that I can grow more fruit. I will resolve to consistently abide in him through study, worship, prayer, and witness. This will be a grand year that this time I will be ringing in later today through prayer and renewal and recommitment. More specifically....

I am no longer my own, but thine.
Put me to what thou wilt, rank me with whom thou wilt.
Put me to doing, put me to suffering.
Let me be employed for thee or laid aside for thee,
exalted for thee or brought low for thee.
Let me be full, let me be empty.
Let me have all things, let me have nothing.
I freely and heartily yield all things to thy pleasure and disposal.
And now, O glorious and blessed God, Father, Son and Holy Spirit,
thou art mine, and I am thine.
So be it.
And the covenant which I have made on earth,
let it be ratified in heaven.
Amen.
[The Covenant Prayer of the Wesleyan Tradition -- John Wesley (Founder of Methodism)]

My passion and utmost desire is to become a consistent disciple of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ in order to live the abundant life that Christ so desires for all of us. My mission is to follow His will, to make Him the Lord over my wishes, hopes, dreams, desires, fears, weaknesses, and all that makes me who I think that I am knowing fully that I am only completed by the sanctifying grace of my Sovereign God in Heaven. I seek the call upon my life and step out upon faith and upon the promises given to me by the Word of God, into this world that is full of demons, temptations, and evils, armoring myself with the tools God has given me to fight the attacks from the evil one. Looking no longer at which is behind me for the past, but rather, it is to strive from this moment on to follow God in all that I do.

I look at the comforting words of one of my favorite Hymns

"This is a Day of New Beginnings"
Words: Brian Wren 1987
Music: Carlton Young 1984
Hope Publishing Company 1987
From the United Methodist Hymnal

"This is a day of new beginnings, to remember and move on, time to believe what love is bringing, laying to rest the pain that's gone.

For by the life and death of Jesus, God's mighty Spirit, now as then, can make for us a world of difference as faith and hope are born again.

Then let us, with the Spirit's daring, step from the past and leave behind our disappointment, guilt, and grieving, seeking new paths, and sure to find.

Christ is alive, and goes before us to show and share what love can do. This is a day of new beginnings; our God is making all things new.

In faith we'll gather round the table to taste and share what love can do. This is a day of new beginnings; our God is making all things new."

Time to put past the pain and move forward. Time to remember things and let them go. Time to seek new paths by the power of the Spirit. God is making ALL THINGS NEW.

No, no --- this year I finally have a foolproof plan -- because I am not in the control seat this time.

Father God -- I lift up all those that are reading this. I pray that those have have experienced great loss in any way over this year will be able to work past it by leaning up the joy that you give us and the comfort that we have in your promises. I pray that those that are pained by the sting of unemployment, financial woes, housing woes, and all the outcomes of the economy will be uplifted by their communities in their time of need. I pray that all of their needs will be met. Convict those that are nearest to these people to be able to reach out to those that may not be able to have a full meal on the table. Help us that can have that full meal be more apt to share our blessings with others without judgment and without hesitation. I pray that those who are going through uncertainty for other reasons -- be it in a marriage, in a relationship, a friendship, with family, or even medical reasons -- I pray that peace be placed upon you and the wisdom given to you to deal with the situation. I pray that those things you cannot change you will better be able to accept them and grow with patience. Those things that can be changed, I pray you gain the wisdom to do so. Be at peace with all the troubles. No matter what it is -- God is standing near you. Amen!